4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
