It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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