Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
