why didn't you poke me back
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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