I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
