gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
