it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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