I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
