I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how drunk are you?
Several
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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