So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
