Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize