my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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