Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
