i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
pop tarts are not kleenex
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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