I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
