P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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