no. you can't hotbox the world.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i think i just lost a toe
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
