Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
