Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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