She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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