Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
