just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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