My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This house was built for laser tag.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
