Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
