And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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