I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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