Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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