the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
