Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
