I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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