Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
