by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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