I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
