put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
