I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
