At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
