I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
