one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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