Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
