I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
