hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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