"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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