Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
