There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
