just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
