Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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