member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
