i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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