So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
