I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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