I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
