I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
