Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
