theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
