Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
