Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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