I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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