yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
