Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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