Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
