what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He passed out mid-signature
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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