the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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