im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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