My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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