i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
