Me. At least after what I've been through.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
